… and the grace of an angel in love
by PM483
Summary: The heart of a nephilim, Cupid's bow and ...? Castiel thinks he has figured out why his grace was the last ingredient in Metatron's spell. His love for a human, his love for Dean. But can he bring himself to tell Dean?
1. Chapter 1

Okay so before the story starts, I would like to say something

Of course I do not know how Destiel is going to evolve in season 9. But I have seen some spoilers (not Destiel related, but in general), and minor spoilers may occur through the chapters. Hope that's okay ;)

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Castiel sits at the kitchen table in the Men of Letters' bunker. It's early in the morning and he is the only one who is awake. It's quiet in the kitchen, the only sound coming from the coffee cup he keeps turning around on the tabletop. He can't sleep; he keeps having nightmares about the angles fall. His brothers and sisters thrown to Earth, doomed to walk the Earth without any chance of returning to their home and it is all his fault. Because he once again thought he did his best, because he once again thought he knew best, but once again failed to fix the problem.

And now he's here in the bunker with Sam, Dean and Kevin. But he is being chased, hunted by his own family. Sam and Dean have angel proofed the whole bunker to keep him hidden. It makes Castiel feel even more like a burden. And it makes him feel useless to the brothers, what help can he even be to them now? He can't heal them, he can't fly them anywhere, and he's weak compared to what he used to be. Of course he can still fight, but it takes time to learn how to handle weapons he has never had needed before. He can handle a knife, but firearms are something that will take him some time to learn to use time he does not have. Because there is so much he have to learn at once, and suddenly it seems as if the thousands of years of observation of the Earth is useless, because one thing is to see someone do it and quite another to do it yourself.

But Castiel will not let it knock him out. He is a soldier, and he will keep on fighting. He tries his best to learn how to handle all these new things, even though Dean tells him that he also needs to relax from time to time.

Castiel smiles for himself at the thought of Dean. At the thought of the first time he saw Dean again after his fall. Not that it was a very pleasant reunion, but it had ended alright.

_Castiel had not even planned to return to Dean and Sam because he knew it would just cause more trou__ble for the brothers to have him with them. But he couldn't completely let go, so he stayed in a town near the Men of Letters' bunker._ _And then one evening he saw the Impala, Dean's beloved car, parked in front of a laundromat. Castiel looked over to the d__oor and wondered if he should go in there, but he didn't do it, for what should he say to them?_ _He just stood there and looked at the car, thought of all__ the times he had been in it__, the times he just had appeared and..._

_"You're not going to steal it, are you?" someone asked from behind._

_Castiel froze on the spot, closed his eyes for a brief moment before he turned around to face Dean, Dean dropped the duffel bag he had in his hand. It landed on the ground with a soft thud; it was probably filled with clothes._

_Dean didn't look angry, but neither too happy to see Castiel. To be honest, Castiel could not say what Dean felt, it was simply too hard to read the hunter's face._

_For a moment they stood there and just looked at each other. Dean stood with his hands in the pockets of his jacket, and Castiel became more and more nervous. Would Dean begin to shout at him or just leave?_

_Dean looked down at his watch "How long has it been since I last saw you ...? Oh yeah, nine days, "he looked up at Castiel again" nine days, Cas! Where the hell have you been, man? "_

_Castiel looked away when he saw the disappointed look on Dean's face, a look he had seen far too many times. "Dean…"_

"_Sammy and I've been drowning in angels_ _recently, but the only one we haven't seen is yo__u! Is it really that hard to drop by and say that you're okay? Or maybe tell why the disaster Naomi warned us about actually happened? _

"_Metatron tricked me." said Castiel though he knew it was a poor excuse. He looked up at Dean "Dean, I know my apologies do not mean anything to you, but ..." he stopped, for what could he possibly say to justify any of it?_

"_Yeah, you're right. They don't mean much." He said, shaking his head slightly._

_Castiel looked down at the ground. This was why he hadn't returned to the bunker yet, because he knew how disappointed Dean would be._

_"But there is probably only one thing to do about it isn't there? That you come with me now, back to the bunker, and help us send the angels back to Heaven." said Dean._

_Castiel looked up again. Dean wasn't smiling, but his face had softened a bit. "I can't, it's too dangerous for you, they're all after me, every single one of them."_

_Dean shrugged "We could use an angel on our side."_

_Castiel sighed. "Dean, I… I'm not an angel anymore."_

_Dean looked a bit confused. "But the other angels, the ones we've come across, they all still had many of their powers. How...? "_

_"My grace, my powers, everything that made me an angel, was the last ingredient in Metatron's spell. I'm just a human now." Castiel felt little bad about saying 'just a human', but for an angel who suddenly becomes human, it is a demotion._

_Dean's gaze flickered over Castiel's face. The hunter's eyes were filled with pity and all signs of anger were gone from his face. "Okay ..." he muttered and picked up his bag and threw it in the trunk, before he again turned to Castiel. "I'm sorry, man."_

_Castiel sighed. "Me too, I'm sorry that I can't be able to help."_

_Dean made a short laugh. "Yeah, I'm not gonna let you get out of this that easy." He said and went to the door to the driver's seat. "Get in." He said, nodding toward the passenger seat. "You can start by helping us angel proofing the whole place, we can't have they come and take you, can we?" He said and got in._

_Castiel felt relieved. Dean would like to have him in the bunker and they had not secured the place, even though they had a good reason of doing so. But they hadn't, perhaps because they wanted him to come back._

_Castiel got in beside Dean, and Dean started the car. For a moment they drove in silence, not the awkward kind of silence, but relaxing. _

_"Cas, can I ask you something?" Dean asked._

_"Of course." Castiel replied and turned to Dean._

_"Do you know why it was you Metatron used?" Dean asked and looked over at Castiel before he again had to look at the road._

_Castiel shrugged. "I don't know."_

_He had asked himself the same question, but didn't have any answer._

Castiel removes his hands from the coffee cup, because it gets too hot. He has kept his fingers on the same spot too long because his thoughts once again have centered on why he was the third ingredient. For after he has come to the bunker and have had time to think, without having to fear an attack every minute, has it not taken him long to figure out why he was the third ingredient in Metatron's spell.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so sorry that it have taken me this long to update, but well, I'm back in school and have a lot of things going on right now :)

(This chapter has some Sam POV.)

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Castiel looks down at his hands. It's almost funny how such a simple thing as coffee can hurt. Especially when he thinks about all the things he has been through, all the pain he has experienced. But he will at any time choose the physical pain over the mental.

He has for many years had a heavy heart, but it's as if even this pain has been exacerbated now that he's human. As if he _feels_ more. But on the other hand, is it not that surprising. Angels are not made to feel, only to obey orders. But as he well knows, has it never been something he has been particularly good at, and now he has paid the price. But humans, humans are made to feel. Sadness, happiness, jealousy and love in all. Emotions Castiel in the last few years has struggled with, without fully understanding them, simply because he was not created for it. But now it's as if everything feels more natural, but no less painful.

Sometimes it feels like he is drowning in sorrow and self-loathing at the thought of all the lives he has destroyed. But other times he smiles, when one of his new roommates tease each other or him, or when he sees something funny on TV. He is happy when he can help with something and see that the others appreciate it. He has also experienced jealousy...

"Morning, Cas." says a voice and stops Castiel's train of thoughts.

Castiel looks up at Sam who is about to pour a cup of coffee. Castiel has been so engrossed in his own thoughts that he has not heard Sam enter the room.

"Good morning, Sam." Castiel replies.

Sam holds the coffee pot towards him. "You want some more?" he asks.

Castiel shakes his head. Sam just smiles and continues to make himself some breakfast. Castiel looks at him as he does so. Sam's hair is messy and he looks tired, but he is never grumpy in the morning.

Sam has always been the one of the two brothers, to forgive Castiel first, when he has done something wrong. Even then Castiel nearly got Sam killed by breaking down the wall in his head, letting Lucifer take over Sam's mind. And even though Castiel had tried rectifying that, by taking on Sam's insanity, it would still have been understandable if Sam never had talked to him again. But it had not been the case, and the day Castiel had come back to the bunker, Sam had embraced him with open arms.

_Even before they went into the bunker, Dean had said that the first thing Castiel had to do was take a shower. Castiel didn't blame him for saying so; hygienic had not exactly been on the top of his list of things to do while he lived on the street. But right now did a shower sound as one of the best things in the world._

_But before Castiel got that far, he and Dean ran into Sam who was sitting at the table in the common room. At the sound of footsteps Sam looked up, and when his eyes fell on Castiel, went his expression quickly from surprise to a relieved smile._

_"Look what I found." Dean said._

_"It's so good to see you again, Cas." said Sam and put the book down that he had been reading. "Where have you been?"_

_"I -" began Castiel, but was interrupted by Dean who dumped the duffel bag in his arms._

_"Hey, shower first, it was the deal. You can talk later." said Dean._

_"Of course." said Castiel and nodded. It had clearly been Dean's requirement and Castiel didn't want to start an argument already._

_"Come, I will show you to the bathroom." said Dean and took his arm to lead him out of the room._

_Castiel wanted to say that he had been in the bunker before and would easily be able to find the bathroom on his own. He wanted to say that Dean didn't have to treat him as if he was totally helpless, but again, he didn't want to fight._

_They had not walked very far down the hallway, to one of the bunker's bathrooms, before Dean stopped._

_"Hey Cas, if you want, I can tell him ... you know, the bad news." said Dean._

_Castiel nodded slowly. He had already seen Dean's confused expression as he had said to him that he was not an angel anymore, and he wouldn't even think about how disappointed Dean must be over him, that he was no longer of any help. No, he didn't need to see the same thing with Sam, so if Dean could say it and save Castiel for the first reaction would it be great._

_"Okay," said Dean and gave Castiel a pat on the shoulder, before he went back to the common room. Castiel stood there a moment and looked after Dean before he went into the bathroom._

_The Men of Letters' bathroom was covered in white tiles, and suddenly Castiel felt even dirtier. He dropped the duffle bag on the floor and started to take off his clothes. It was no longer Jimmy Novak's clothes he was wearing, he had got rid of it one of the first nights after his fall. Firstly, it had been covered in blood after he had been in close combat with one of his brothers and secondly, he was easy to recognize in the clothes, many of his brothers and sisters knew what he looked like in the clothes, without it, it was a bit more difficult for them to recognize him (especially now when they couldn't recognize him by his grace). So at the first chance he had, had Castiel replaced his old clothes with something new he had found in a box of forgotten clothes at the locale launderette._

_Castiel found a towel and took a shower. The hot water was refreshing, when he stepped out of the bath he felt clean and somehow happier. Carefully, so as not to slip, Castiel walked over to the pile of clothes he had dropped on the floor, and then looked at the bag Dean had given him. He assumed that it meant that he could just use it? Take whatever he wanted? So that was what he did. He took some of Dean's, because it fit him better than Sam's and for some reason he also felt better wearing Dean's clothes._

_After he had dressed he went back to the common room where Sam was still sitting, but Dean was nowhere to be seen. When Castiel came into the room, Sam once again looked up from his book and Castiel was greeted by the same compassionate gaze Dean had sent him. Castiel looked away; he could not bear also to see the expression on Sam._

_"I'm sorry, Cas." Sam said, sounding genuinely sorry._

_Castiel sat down across from Sam. "Yes, I'm sorry too, that I don't have my powers to help you this time but I will still do my best to help you get the angels back to Heaven."_

_Sam looked, if even possible; more sorry when he heard Castiel's words. "Cas, you don't have to think about that now. What I mean is that I'm sorry on _your_ behalf. This is not about Dean and I need your powers, this is about you've lost them, and although it doesn't change you as a person, they were still a pretty big part of you."_

_Castiel dared to look up from the table and looked at Sam. The trials had left their mark on him and he still didn't look completely healthy, but much better than he did last Castiel had seen him._

_"Thank you Sam." said Castiel, because he simply did not know what else to say._

_Castiel knew that this was Sam's way of saying that he accepted that Castiel was there, as Dean had done by letting him come back to the bunker. They accepted what he was now and would still like to have him around, which both made him relieved and very happy._

_A little later Dean came back into the room with a plate with a sandwich on it and a glass of water, and put both of it in front of Castiel. "I thought you might want something to eat before you went to bed?"_

_And it was as if the sight of food reminded Castiel about how hungry he really was._

_After he had eaten, he found his room on his own. It was the same as he had slept in the first time he had been in the bunker, that night where he had run off from Crowley. At the time, Dean had to help him to bed because he was too weak to even stand on his own and Sam had been too weak to help._ _But Dean had just helped him into the room and then left without a word, he had been angry at Castiel, and with good reason. But this time it was different, Dean and Sam had both said goodnight to him and Dean had said that Castiel from now on could consider the room as his own if he wanted to._

_It was the first time Castiel had lain in a real bed after his fall, so he quickly fell asleep. But since that night had it not been as easy to fall asleep and it had been in one of his sleepless nights where he had realized why he had been an important piece in Metatron plan..._

Castiel looks up from his coffee and over to Sam as he sits down opposite him. Once again it is the youngest Winchester who has interrupted him in his thinking, but it may be for the best.

"So, how are you this morning?" asks Sam.

Castiel shrugs. "As usual." he replies. It has almost become a morning routine that either Sam or Dean asks him about how he feels, and "as usual" has become his favorite answer, because by saying that is he technically not lying to them. And his life could be so much worse, so why should he complain? He has roof over his head and is with the people he cares about.

And Sam gives him the same smile as he does every morning; the one saying that it is okay that Castiel don't want to talk further about it. Castiel takes his coffee with him and leaves the kitchen, otherwise will it be one of those awkward mornings where Sam and he sits in silence without saying another word to each other.

* * *

Sam doesn't say anything when Castiel leaves the kitchen; don't say that they should talk, even though he knows it's the right thing to do. Because Sam knows that the newly fallen angel has a lot to think about, and that he blames himself for everything that happened. But Sam knows that not everything is Castiel's fault. And Sam doesn't blame him anything and have never done so.

_Sam had a lot of questions to Castiel, but Dean had pulled him away before the angel had time to answer the first one. And when Dean came back, he had even more questions to his older brother, for there was something wrong, he could feel it in his guts._

_"Dean what happened?" asked Sam._

_Dean ran a hand over his mouth as if he needed time to think about his answer._

_"It's Cas," he finally said, "he has fallen."_

_That had Sam already figured out since all the other angels had fallen too._

_"There's more than that." said Sam._

_Dean closed his eyes for a moment and he took a deep breath, whatever had happened, Sam could see that it was hard for Dean to say it out loud._

_"Cas has not just fallen, Cas is ... Cas is human now. I'm talking 100 percent mortal and zero powers."_

_"But ... what?" Sam could not understand how it could happen._

_Dean did not know much more about it, but reiterated what Castiel had told him in the car._

_"Okay ... so what do we do now?" asked Sam, trying to handle all the new information he had just received._

_"I know what we don't do, we don't throw him out." said Dean._

_Sam frowned. "Do you really think I would do that?"_

_"No, no, of course not. I just didn't know if you wanted him here, I mean ... "Dean fumbled his way through a long explanation where it didn't really seemed like he knew what to say._

_But Sam understood; he knew it was their talk in the church Dean had in mind. But Sam would never let Castiel become homeless, for Sam, Castiel was like a brother._ _That night, in the church, Sam had been as far off as he possibly could, he had felt that he had let Dean down in every possible way, and he had felt kind of jealous of Castiel, because he felt like Dean trusted the angel more than him. But he had been in pain because of the trials, and the bad conscience. Now he looked differently at it again, he knew Dean needed Castiel. He had seen how his brother was when he did not know where Castiel was, when he did not know whether he was alive or not. The pain Dean so desperately tried to hide from him, but couldn't, because no one knew Dean better than Sam. No, Sam would never cause his brother such pain on purpose. _

_"Dean," Sam said and stopped his brother's stream of words. "It's okay. Cas can stay here as long as he wants. "_

_"Okay, good." Dean said and nodded, trying not to make a big deal out of it. But Sam could see how relieved he really was._

No, Sam doesn't want to force Castiel to talk about his problems. But if Castiel doesn't start talking about it himself, Sam will have to make him.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh I'm so slow, but I've so many things to do right now. But here it is chapter 3.

(This chapter has some Kevin POV.)

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Castiel sits down at the table in the common room. Here has he spent many days and evenings with Sam, Dean and Kevin.

Castiel and Dean will each sit with a thick book and try to find some information on whatever case they are on. Sam mostly sits with his computer and looks for information on the web or organizes the information they already have, especially information that can be useful throughout angel-problem. While Kevin most days will shut out the rest of the world, by listening to music with his headphones on, while he tries to translate the angel tablet to find a solution.

Castiel sighs, he has lived in the bunker for about four weeks, and for three weeks has Kevin kept Castiel's secret. Castiel does not like that Kevin have to lie to the brothers, but the idea of them finding out, especially Dean, is too much for Castiel. And therefor have Kevin promised not to say anything.

_It was one of those nights where Castiel couldn't sleep. He hadn't slept more than an hour or so, before he had woken up, covered in sweat. The nightmare had been a mix of memories and things his imagination had created itself. He saw the other angels fall from the sky, saw their wings burn, heard their screams. He sat up and ran his hands over his face, tried to forget the images._

_He then ran a hand over his throat, on the spot where Metatron had cut him, to remove his grace. Castiel would never forget the pain. It was an indescribable pain to get ones grace removed like that, and the only reason why he hadn't screamed from the top of his lungs, was because his vocal cord also had been cut._

_Castiel let his slightly shaky hands fall into his lap. He should never have returned to Heaven that night, he should have stayed with Dean. He should have helped Dean with Sam. But all he could think of was that Naomi once again was lying to him. That he could fix it all, if only he fulfilled the trials._

_But when he got up there and saw Naomi's lifeless body lying over the desk, he knew something was wrong. That he had been fooled. On second thought, it surprised him a bit that Metatron hadn't just taken Naomi's grace immediately. But perhaps it had to be from an angel who had betrayed its own kind. Just like the nephilim was punished for being a product of the forbidden relationship between an angel and a human._

_So many times he had chosen humans instead of Heaven, because he saw something worth saving on Earth. He saw Dean and Sam, who despite everything they had been through, still were trying to fight evil and save innocent lives._

_Even though many of Castiel's memories were began to fade away because his new human brain not could contain all the memories from his long life, and though he already had forgotten a lot of the things there had been printed into his angel brain, would he never forget that fateful day in The Beautiful Room, that day where he had ignored his orders so he could bring Dean to Sam, to try and stop Sam from letting Lucifer out of his cage. _

_And since that day had he not served Heaven, not really anyway. Not before Naomi had gotten hold on him and had been messing around in his head. Deleted things,_ _reprogrammed him, and treated him like a broken machine. Recreated him as a well-oiled machine that could serve Heaven, but something had gone wrong._

_He could still remember how it had been to be told to kill all the hundreds of fake Deans. How they were created to look and act like the real Dean. The pain he felt when he killed every single one of them, until he felt nothing at all. Until the last one, where he not even registered that Dean was begging him to stop. _

_But that day in Lucifer's crypt, when he had attacked Dean, could he not complete it. He had had an inner fight with Naomi, because somehow did he just knew that this was the real Dean, and that the last thing he wanted was to hurt him._

_It made good sense that it was because he had chosen humans over angels. But humans had always fascinated Castiel, their ability to feel so many different things. How it were emotions that caused them to act like they did, and thereby had he also led himself been controlled by feelings. And most of the time had it all been worth it, because not only did he help save lives, but he also got to be friends with the Winchesters, he would do everything for them. His friendship with Dean had never been easy, but he was proud to could call himself Dean's friend. When Castiel made Dean smile, he also smiled himself. _

_When Dean looked at him with tenderness in his eyes, made it Castiel feel special, appreciated. Even when Dean had shouted at him for running away, had Castiel feel like he had a knot in his stomach, because Dean had clearly wanted him to stay. _

_Maybe was it not at all because Castiel had chosen to help humans in general, because after all, was it angels' job to watch over humanity. Maybe was it actually because he had devolved a friendship with one person. A love relationship with a human was forbidden, so why not a friendship with a profound bond like the one he shared with Dean?_

_Castiel sighed; it looked like he had to talk to Kevin. Ask him not to tell anything if he read about it on the angel tablet. Castiel couldn't have that Dean found out that their friendship had destroyed anything. _

_He lay down again, to see if he now would be able to sleep. But even with closed eyes would the thoughts not leave him alone. He kept thinking about the three ingredients._

_It all had something to do with feelings. A child, created in forbidden love. An angel (or kind of), who brought love to humanity and… Castiel sat up quickly and his heart was beating with hundred miles per hour. It was love, it was all love. It had nothing to do with his and Dean's friendship. It was Castiel's feelings for Dean that mattered. Castiel buried his face in his hands; it was his love for Dean. It all made sense. All the things Castiel not could put into words, all the things he felt when he looked at Dean and was near him. The joy he felt it was love._

Castiel shakes his head as if to shake the thoughts from that night away. But it is practically impossible. It is the same thoughts that keep coming back to him. Together with a long list of events that just confirms his theory even more.

But it was nothing new, his feelings for Dean. He had always cared about Dean, always appreciated Dean's friendship. Dean can make him feel happy but also frustrated and sad. And of course has Castiel always known what love is. He had always loved his father, his siblings and his father's amazing creations. But it was a different kind of love.

He loved Sam as a brother, but Dean, with Dean was it different. And now does he know why.

* * *

Kevin sits down at the kitchen table and get almost immediately served a plate of eggs and bacon.

He looks up at Sam who has put the plate in front of him. "Wow, what is the occasion?"

None of the Winchester brothers usually make breakfast for him. It's only happened a few times that Dean has done it, one time it was because Kevin was too sick to get up from bed.

Sam sits down at the other side of the table and picks up his fork. "It was actually to Cas, but he left before I could give it to him. And you know it's better to just let him go."

Kevin doesn't answer, but yes, he knows exactly what Sam is talking about.

Most of the time Kevin stays away from Castiel, because, what should he and the fallen angel even talk about? Kevin doesn't know him that well and their shared memories from the past are not that good. Castiel is just there, for Kevin, anyway. But it is different with the brothers they have known him for years. It was not much they told him about their past, therefore he was glad he had met Charlie. She had been visiting a few times and she had quickly sensed that Kevin lived with them without knowing much about them, so she gave him some links to some stories written by someone named Carver Edlund.

At first he felt bad for not telling Dean and Sam that he was reading the stories about their lives. But then, on the other hand, did he also know that they never themselves would tell him or let him read the stories. And after all does he put his life in their hands, so it seemed fair enough to know something about them. Kevin is a quick reader, and it had not taken him long to get through the books right up to the last one named _Swan Song_, which ended with Sam jumping down into Lucifer's cage.

After reading the books, Kevin has a better understanding of why they don't talk about their lives. He has never doubt the fact that growing up as a hunter must have been awful, but he never expected it to be that bad.

But even though the books mainly are about Sam and Dean, had Castiel also appeared more and more since the one called _Lazarus Rising. _That was the way Kevin found out that Castiel was the one who had saved Dean from hell, and he had seen how their friendship had developed during the books. But he hadn't at any time seen anything about Castiel being the bad guy, even though he had heard Castiel mention it "when I was bad" the former angel had said, but Dean had told him not to think about it anymore, that is was not of importance anymore. Kevin has come to the conclusion that it must be something that has happened not long before he met the brothers and that it probably had something to do with the leviathans. But Kevin doesn't ask about it. He has learned that there are things you don't talk about.

Kevin and Sam sit in silence and eats for a couple of minutes before Kevin looks up at Sam. "Have you talked to him?" he asks.

Sam just shakes his head. Kevin whishes Sam would just do it. It's as if it's all a big pile of emotions that have been hidden away for far too long and suddenly have Kevin been thrown right into the middle of it. Maybe Castiel will hate him for it, but Kevin just wants him the best.

_It was still in the early hours of the day and Kevin was sitting in the common room with the remains of his breakfast, almost cold coffee and the angel tablet. It was much easier to read the tablet when it wasn't split in two like the demon tablet had been, but it was still something that would take its time._

"_Can I talk to you for a moment?" someone asked behind him._

_Kevin was surprised by the sudden question in the otherwise quiet room. But he was even more surprised by who had asked the question, the young prophet turned to look at Castiel. _

"_Uhm… yeah, sure." Kevin mumbled when he saw how worried the man looked._

_Castiel sat down next to Kevin and glanced at the tablet in front of the boy "Have you found anything yet?"_

_Kevin had a small panic attack. Because he had found something he had found the spell that had been used to throw all the angels out of Heaven._

"_I…" Kevin began, but didn't know how he should proceed. He knew that it was the love of a human that had made Castiel the last piece in the game, and Kevin wasn't blind, if there was one person Castiel loved, it had to be Dean._

_Castiel looked down at the table. Kevin sighed. "I know it." he finally said._

_Castiel looked up again, the panic painted on his face. "Have you told them?"_

"_No!" Kevin said quickly, because he was afraid of what would happen if he told the truth, that Sam already knew. It was the first thing Kevin had done when he had read it, he had told it to Sam, to see what the younger Winchester thought the best thing to do would be. Sam had not exactly been surprised. He then said that they should give Castiel a chance to figure out his feelings for Dean himself, before they interfered. _

_Castiel breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at the table to avoid eye contact. "How long have you known?" _

_Kevin rubbed his eyes, he was so tired. He did still not sleep well at night. What day was it even? He couldn't always keep them apart. "A couple of days." He finally answered. _

"_Would it be too much if... will you promise not to say anything?" Castiel asked and turned to look at Kevin once again._

_Kevin looked up at Castiel. The man looked just as tired as Kevin felt; he guessed that the fallen angel didn't get much sleep either._

_Kevin thought of the first time he had met Castiel. It was when Kevin had just found out that he was a prophet. It had all been new and scary (it was still scary, but you can learn to live with even the strangest things). _

_He was thrown into a world full of monsters, and more literally, he was thrown into the back seat of the Impala with a demon. Just like that had Kevin put his life in the hands of the Winchesters, and as if that was not bad enough, it all got worse when Castiel showed up next to Kevin._ _The first impression of the angel had not exactly been good, and far from what Kevin had ever imagined that an angel would behave like._ _No, Kevin had not seen an angel, but a man who was obviously mentally disturbed._

_The next time Kevin had seen Castiel he had almost given up all hope of survival. Crowley held him as a prisoner and everything seemed hopeless, but then showed Castiel up._ _Kevin would never forget what he had seen that day, Castiel with the angel blade in his hand, the shadow of his wings on the wall, and how his body had been glowing with pure energy._

_The third image of Castiel that popped up in Kevin's head was from the same day as the angel had fallen. When Kevin had told Dean that he was done, and Castiel had taken him by the collar and said that it was not an option._

_That was the three sides of Castiel as an angel, he had experienced, but the man who sat beside him now was something else. Castiel was not a great and powerful angel, he was not threatening Kevin, and he was not a person who belonged in a mental hospital. _

_But in a way was he still broken; Kevin could see it in his eyes. No, Kevin would not be the one to put more weight on Castiel's shoulders. So he nodded, even though he knew that it could not be kept a secret forever._

_There fell some kind of peace over Castiel, and he sent Kevin a short but relieved smile. "Thank you."_

Kevin and Sam are eating in silence for a moment before Kevin looks up. "I think it's best if you talk to him."

Right after Castiel had come to talk to him, had Kevin told Sam about it, but once again had Sam said that they should let Castiel and Dean deal with it themselves. But now had Kevin had enough, Castiel needs a push.

Sam takes a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right. I do it when I've finished my breakfast. "


End file.
